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Life As An Elway
By Lem Elway
April, 18 2008
Yes, I am related to the John Elway of the NFL’s Denver Broncos—he is my cousin.
And coaching legend Jack Elway is my uncle. So I guess you could say I’ve grown up in somewhat of a spotlight and sometimes, a microscope. There are certainly perks to being attached to a famous name, but there are downfalls as well. In this entry, you’ll get a glimpse of what it’s been like for me to be an Elway.
It may be obvious to point out that my family has always been into athletics. The Elway family is closely knit, and we grew up rooting for each other. As a kid, sporting events were a pinnacle of family activity, a way of life, and athletics have the utmost respect and reverence from all of us. Our love of sports has taught us all invaluable lessons applicable both on the field and off. But the extreme to which we love sports may be what sets us apart.
Through the generations, we have always been taught to be good fans and/or participants, and to fill both roles with enthusiasm, conviction, and loyalty. After every athletic event we attended, a family meeting (we called it the “Fifth Quarter”) was held in a relative’s kitchen or living room—not to evaluate the coach’s decisions, but to discuss game performance. As a young person, these meetings were stimulating to listen to, even if at times we were too young to understand.
I will also never forget three rules my grandfather (and later my aunts, uncles, and dad) passed along to me: One, never miss the kickoff, first pitch, or tip-off of a contest. Two, never disrespect the game by leaving before the final horn or last out—regardless of the score. And three, always sit in the end zone at a football game because they’re the best seats in the house and true football fans gain a better appreciation for the game by watching the offensive linemen open up the holes. All family members still strictly follow those rules.
There are many sides of the coin to being a member of a famous family. On the positive side, everyone knows who you are, and in turn, I got into venues the “average” person could not. Opportunities that may not otherwise have presented themselves are often found at your doorstep. Me getting to roam the sidelines at John’s games, for instance, never would have happened if I hadn’t been related to John and Uncle Jack.
On the negative side, relatives you never knew you had suddenly appear, and many look for opportunities to advance themselves financially through name association. Expectations are always high, and you and your children can become innocent victims of jealous peers. And believe me, everyone knowing who you are is not always a plus.
When John started his professional career, my family lived in Hoquiam, Wash., where John’s mother and father were born and raised. John was seen as a hometown guy, and everyone in town could justify rooting for him when Denver played the Seahawks, hoping John would do well but that the Broncos would still lose. That was a fun time for all of us, even though we were living in the Seahawks’ home state.
But living in Washington was not always easy. Sometimes, it was downright painful. I’ve had incredibly rude remarks made toward me when I was umpiring baseball games. But fortunately, as a coach at Hoquiam High School, I won 70 percent of my games over a 12-year period, so there weren’t many opportunities to harass me there. The toughest part of the whole situation as an adult was realizing that a lot of my family’s “friendships” weren’t real. That was hard on a lot of our family members, my wife in particular.
We’ve had eggs thrown at our windows, our house toilet-papered, and inappropriate signs put in our front yard. We’ve also had great neighbors who were wonderful about watching our house over the years, and I know we didn’t see a lot of the mess. For every rude local, there were a ton of community members who said nothing and just saw a Broncos-Seahawks game for what it was: a great rivalry.
As adults, we rolled with the punches, and I came to learn that it’s the kids who can be most harsh. We eventually moved to Anacortes, Wash., where I coached and taught at my alma mater, Anacortes High School. It was Seahawks country, and John was only known as an enemy. My children, in the first and fourth grades at the time, attended a school where they were known only as enemies of the hometown team. It only takes two or three mean kids to leave long-lasting memories in a kid’s mind.
My wife, son, daughter, and I watched the Broncos play Seattle one night on television together. Near the end of an exciting game, the Broncos pulled ahead and won the game. Naturally, my wife and I were excited, but one of our kids started to cry and the other ran into the bedroom. My wife and I looked at each other with disbelief. To make a long story short, my son told us that when the Seahawks lost, he and his sister were beat up and harassed at school the next week.
If things hadn’t hit home regarding what it means to be an Elway for my family yet, they certainly did when we attended John’s Hall of Fame induction in Canton, Ohio. In order to get around the site, we all wore badges indicating we were part of the “Elway Party.” Naturally, those present were fans of John and Uncle Jack, and we were stopped by people everywhere we went. Most fans asked questions politely and enthusiastically, but there were some awkward moments. I was even asked to sign programs just because I was related to John. For me, it all got old quickly, and we could only imagine what John’s daily life was like.
I tried to use the negative times as learning moments for my kids. I told my daughter who was harassed by fans during her basketball games that adversity would be what she made it: she could either pout or face the challenge. I’m sure everyone related to someone famous has had experiences similar to ours, and they play out differently for each relative. In my family’s case, we’ve enjoyed every positive moment of being Elways and used the negative ones to make us stronger.
Lem Elway is Head Baseball Coach and Assistant Football Coach at Black Hills High School in Tumwater, Wash. He served as Head Baseball Coach at Anacortes (Wash.) High School from 1988-2003, and was inducted into the Washington State Coaches Hall of Fame in 1992. Lem has also coached girls' high school basketball and club baseball. His first book, The Coach's Administrative Handbook, was recently published by Coaches Choice. He can be reached at: elwaysports@hotmail.com
Kris O'Bannon
Posted Tue Sep 2 12:53:20 2008Hi Len, I've been coaching baseball for as long as I can remember. I would like to get some HS experience. Does BH ever need help coaching even if it was at the Fresh. level?